Sin and Procreation – Do It Like The Bunnies

Or squirrels. I'm pretty sure they have a lot of "horizontal boogey" action going on.
Or squirrels. I’m pretty sure they have a lot of “horizontal boogey” action going on.

Sin is a disease. This much is clear from Christian culture. Sin is the thing that causes us to do the things that we do. It’s the reason that Ted Bundy killed all those women, and the thing that stirs in your loins when you’re alone with your girlfriend. It is the reason for hurricanes, inflating gas prices, wars, school shootings, and them pesky homosexuals.

But sin is not only that. It is the curse that we incurred from the beginning of the world. It doesn’t matter if I live a sinless life, I am still incarcerated in this prison that I was put into by Adam and Eve when they were deceived by that old serpent. The serpent, who was more cunning than any of the beasts of the field, was allowed to live among the branches of the most seductive plant in the garden and speak to Eve and Adam as they drew near. He sold them a lie to which all humanity was to fall heir, the eternal lies about God’s character and divine nature.

Pro-tip: Lies = truth in Genesis

But Jesus came to set the record straight. Jesus came to redeem us from our sins and from the original sin that has taken over the world since the devil got his tenterhooks into it. Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross allows each and every one of us to go free for the crimes we’ve committed, to start anew, afresh, awash in the glow of God’s grace. It’s a nice story, but I do have a problem with one itty bitty passage here:

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground. (Gen 1:28)

Let me allow you into my world for a moment. In this world, I am an omnipotent, omniscient Creator who made things as terrifyingly awesome as Jupiter and open mic nights. I created the entire universe that exists so that I could have a relationship with one particular species of primate, and possess all of the knowledge capable to create anything I want. I am all-knowing, all-wise, I have past, present, and future in my hands, and I am indeed the source and foundation of all good in the world.

And in this universe, let’s say that I have incontrovertible proof that jaywalking causes cancer. It is peer-reviewed, hard studied, I talked with my other two selves about it, and they concurred: Jaywalking causes cancer. And there are good(ish) reasons to argue for the fact that I would’ve brought my creations into the world despite this (because I’m the embodiment of love and desire to have a relationship with them.) That’s fine. But why would I make beings that could be affected by the curse of jaywalking? I mean, I can make any type of being I want, couldn’t I make ones that didn’t get cancer when they jaywalked? (Or I could instead make “perfect” beings with a foreskin that they’ll need to cut off later.)

Let’s say I’m almost as sure about this as we are about evolution. Just in case you don’t know, that’s really sure.

But let’s assume I did make that type of human. If I knew that jaywalking caused cancer, why in the world would I tell them to do it? I would probably, if I were a loving god, expressly tell him not to do it, out of a concern for his well-being. At the very least, I just wouldn’t mention it, and hope the idea never occurred to him.

This is not the story we get from the Bible. The story that we receive from there is that God, who knows all and sees all, who knows the future veracity of the little diddy about all falling short of his glory (Rom 3:23) actually encouraged people to do the one thing that would ensure the perpetuation of this disease: procreation. More humans, more sin, and children are somehow born into this sick state, and are told that they need only to look upon the cross to be made well. God had foreknowledge that this toxic disease would devastate the entire population of the earth, and sure, I guess he sent the gross human sacrifice antidote, but he also insisted upon putting it into Adam and Eve’s heads that bringing more people into this kind of bondage was good. The more that this goes on, it sounds like an episode of The Fairly Oddparents, where Timmy saves the day…from a wish that he made that went wrong.

If sin’s a disease, then when God told Adam and Eve to fuck like bunnies, He either didn’t know or didn’t care what was gonna happen. And neither of those sounds like a god worth worshipping.

Feel free to comment, like, share, and follow below! And as always, BE MY PATRONS!


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