An Open Letter to Fergie’s “A Little Party Never Killed Nobody”

Dear ALPNKN,

Let’s take it from the top. We could do the whole song, but I think that the chorus will suffice:

A little party never killed nobody

We gon’ dance until we drop

A little party never killed nobody

Right here right now’s all we got

 Ok, Fergs. So I’m assuming that since your song appears on the soundtrack of The Great Gatsby, it has something to do with that story. In the scope of that story, it appears that a little party killed at least 2 somebodies; Asshat McTom’s mistress Myrtle Wilson, and the titular James Gatz. Keeping the body count at two assumes that the guy who tried to drive his car home on three wheels made it there all right.

We’re also just gonna forget about that butler whose nose was ruined by the caustic polish used to shine silver for the rich. And about that valley of ashes thing.

In a broader sense, the “little party” you’re referring to is the 1920s, or as we call them, the Roaring 20s. The Roaring 20s is known for its glamorous ethos, its fast cars and flapper dresses, cigarettes and jazz music, fancy clothes and larger than life parties. However, underneath all of that, and especially as portrayed in The Great Gatsby, nobody was having a good time. The American Dream wasn’t really true for anybody. The poor in the valley of ashes couldn’t just work hard enough and be like Gatsby – you had to also have the right opportunities. The rich had what everyone thought the dream was, except that the men were not satisfied with more, and the women had to pretend to have a wonderful time while they knew their husbands would cheat on them at Gatsby’s parties. And seeing as Gatsby was set in Prohibition-era America, you’re just silly if you think that no one died as a cause of those alcohol deals.

Furthermore, the corruption that was associated with the 20s, the amorality, the greed, and the decay are all reasons that these lyrics should never be stated ever with any degree of confidence. The people of the 1920s did indeed party until they dropped – right into The Great Depression, a worldwide economic recession that lasted for nearly 15 years, the effects of which were felt long thereafter. The YOLO culture of the 1920s, the irresponsibility of the bankers, and a nation of people like Tom and Daisy who lack the moral gumption to do anything about it contributed to many somebodies being killed. The lack of foresight of the 1920s and its “Right here right now’s all we got” mindset failed to take the future into account, and in doing so, created a worse one for themselves and the generations that followed them. So to your song, Ms. Fergie, I just say: NO.

Respectfully,

Tim “The Danger” Hucks

P.S. But it’s still so damn catchy…

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